Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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