and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
