It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
