It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
