70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize