there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
