he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
