Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
