if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
