Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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