you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
