That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
