I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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