My hand turned me down
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
vagina is talking i cant
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
