i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sober January is a disaster.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
