Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
