you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
