If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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