he was CRYING into my vagina
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
