Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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