Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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