I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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