our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize