I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
