Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
