I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just google imaged poop.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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