I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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