The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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