Can i not drive my cunt home
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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