ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just had sex on a roof
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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