It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize