You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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