so explain again why im purple
no
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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