I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
