the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
