just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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