I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
