it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
