the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
