discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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