I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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