just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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