just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
