So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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