keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
