you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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