my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
