We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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