Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
