Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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