Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
