his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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