I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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