It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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