whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
