Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
