can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
