i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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