Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
