I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
