dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
