I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
why is half of my head shaved?
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