you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize